You probably didn't believe me when I said I knew the entirety of Henry's James James Jarvis and James monologue. What if I told you I'd written it all down? Yeah, I did. So here you go!
Henry: Salutations of the morning to you two ladies! I’m Attorney Jacob Edward James of James James Jarvis and James and at present and representing the missing person, henceforth referred to as one Ian Albert Worthington. President of the Canadian Bank, brother to Miss Lucretia Worthington, at present seated at this moment to my right and, fiancee of Miss Cassandra Chadwick, seated at this moment to my left.
Eva: Very pleased to meet you Miss Worthington, though I do wish it were under more pleasant circumstances.
Cassie: Well, I apologise for not sharing in your delight, but I never understood my brothers fascination with dolly mops!
Eva: You have some nerve…
Cassie: Why yes I do!
Henry: To- To the matter at hand? On this day in 1901 with witnesses present and in the offices of said attorneys, James James Jarvis and James (Brackenreid and Murdoch’s lines below begin here), I wish to make it known to the present parties of Miss Chadwick and Miss Worthington, on the aforementioned date and henceforth that said attorneys will invoke a policy of-
Brackenreid: (during Henry’s speech) Oh for the love of Peter!
Murdoch: Sir, are you sure that’s wise?
Brackenreid: Under the circumstances Murdoch, I think it’s imperative!
Henry: (phone rings) A-Attorney Jacob Edward James?
Brackenreid: Get a grip on yourself man!
Henry: Yes sir! Brackenreid: And stick to the bloody manuscript! Henry: Yes sir!
Brackenreid: And stop calling me sir!
Henry: Yes sir….
Cassie: *clears her throat*
Henry: Due to Mr Worthington’s sudden and unexpected absence, I have invoked my power as attorney and will disperse funds accordingly. However I thought it appropriate to inform you,
seeing as you are Mr Worthington’s two existing heirs.
Eva: His two, heirs?
Cassie: Surprised? What, did the gold digger think she was getting it all?
Henry: Ladies I assure you, there is more than enough to go around. $500,000 dollars infact.
Eva: In, total?
Henry: No no no, each.
Cassie: Well, my brother will almost certainly reappear, very much alive!
Henry: Yes but, until either he or his earthly remains resurface, please, sign here.
Eva: But what if, god forbid he nor his body are never found?
Henry: Well then Miss Chadwick, I’m afraid Mr Worthington will be declared dead in absentia, and the estate divided betwixt you.
Eva: I see.
Henry: In seven years time.
Eva: Excuse me, you did say seven? Henry: (nods) So there you have it. I was not lying when I said I'd figured it all out. Even the bit thats hard to hear on the phone when Brackenreid's speaking. I'm sure this isn't much of an achievement but feels like it to me!